A-Z OF DOING A SEASON
Seasons. You do one and think it won't change you. It's not going to change the way you look, act or speak, surely? Well, you come back saying certain words and knowing what pilule du lendemain means and BOOM you're a seasonaire! Catch our Seasonairehead's A-Z Guide to speaking like a true seasonaire.Even if you're not going to do a whole winter season but just taking a week's ski or snowboard holiday and don't want to be labelled a 'Punter' take this with you, speak and act accordingly and we'll think you're one of us. Well, it's not exactly hard to fool a seasonaire.
– Après –
It;s your one day off. Days off are spent riding and then heading straight to the bar for après. Dancing in ski boots, slipping and accidently throwing your own pitcher of beer in your face is a common occurrence.
– Battered –
The common state of every seasonaire resulting from too much alcohol (see 'A').. Side effects include passing out in the snow, getting naked too many times and falling over more times than not.
– Chalet Arse –
What every female seasonaire fears. Sadly, copious amounts of cake and alcohol make it hard to fight off.
– Day Off –
That elusive event that only happens once a week. It is a repetitive dilemma whether to spend it sleeping or riding. Whatever your plans are for the morning, drinking starts about 4pm and everyone's passed out and in bed by 9pm.
– Edges -
I mean good edges mean good riding. Along with waxing, this is the kind of maintenance that season kit needs. Seasonaires spend more time on the up keep of their kit than their own appearance.
– First Lifts –
What every seasonaire swears at the start of the season: ‘I’ll get first lifts this season!’ More often than not, work, hangovers or sleep get in the way.
– Goggle Marks –
It gets to spring, the sun's out, you're out riding for hours, you take your goggles off and Bam! The seasonaire bar looks like a shelter for weird panda/ human hybrids. A note for girls: the deeper the goggle tan, the higher the risk of looking like you have a beard.
– Hanging –
The seasonaire state of being hungover and the result of being battered. Most commonly used in the phrase ‘I am hanging out my arse’.
– Ice –
This is a dreaded thing that lies in wait for the common slightly tipsy seasonaire. Once the front foot slides there is no hope for the seasonaire. Ice has resulted in more injuries than riding and, even,one seasonaire slipping over so badly that they’ve had to be taken home by the Gendarme, sitting on their laps.
– Jager -
After two seasons, the slightest smell of Jager makes me want to vom. This is the go-to drink for getting battered. A season discovery was also Jager beers rather than the standard Jager bombs. I'm going to have to stop now as even writing the word Jager is making my tummy swirl.
– Kitchen Disasters –
Throw 18 year olds and girls 'n' guys fresh out of uni into a chalet kitchen and things are bound to go wrong. Cooking under pressure results in hilarious outcomes such as making mince pies with real mince meat, trying to cook pancakes with cake mix and being told to peel an orange so getting out the potato peeler,
– La Pilule Du Lendemain -
You're a girl, you're drunk, you're not organised, things happen. However, once you know the most embarrassing French phrase you become the 'go-to girl' for other embarrassed female seasonaires. Thank God for beanies being able to make different disguises. Equally cringing is the phrase 'le sexy time' that did slip out after trying to explain to the lady in the pharmacy what I was after.
– Mix -
A lot of mixing happens on a season. Whether that be the dreaded Shit Mix that results in mixing chalet wine with whatever you can find or the mixing that happens between different companies. Once we get over the initial 'Company X' hates 'Company Y' West Side Story debacle and realise we're all there for the same reason and share the same passions, intergrating doesn't seem so bad.
– Never Again -
This is uttered too many times over the five to six months of the apres during the season
– One Eighty -
What practically every seasonaire attempts during their seasons. Has resulted in snapped ACLs, eating snow and too many stomach aches from laughing.
– Panic Shagging -
It's nearing the end of the season. The people you've spent every single day with for the past six months are no longer going to be there. You might be going back to a boring office job. Suddenly goggle marks start to look good on guys and, well, the title is pretty self-explanatory.
– Quality not Quantity -
No, no, this doesn't apply to the above. This is about snow. Sure, shredding every day is the dream but when spring hits and it's pure slush, do your knees a favour and grab a beer in the sun.
– Rails -
These hurt and result in black bums. Too many seasonaires have been battered and thought it's a good idea to show the results of hitting rails to the whole bar.
– Sweet/ Stoked/ Sick/ Shred/ Switch –
Too much of the seasonaire terminology begins with ‘S’. And of course there’s Snow. Snow’s very important for the season months.
–Twat Gap -
When punters leave a gap between their goggles and helmet and the sun leaves a nice little tan across their foreheads, branding them a true Punter.
Also 'T' for twin tips because they're fun and you can go backwards. You can also ski in front of someone you don't like and spray 'em to your heart's content.
- Underrated -
What doing a season ultimately is. Sure you have to scrub crap, clean away red wine vomit and are generally pretty underappreciated, but you also meet the best people you ever will meet in your entire life, get to ride every day if you wish and gain memories and stories that you countlessly tell and bore your friends with back home. That's me being soppy but it's true. Doing a season is definitely underrated.
- Vodka -
Because apart from Jager, beer and Dags there is always trusty vodka. It's most common form in a season is disguised in toffee. Yes, downing toffee vodka seems like a good idea at the time but the next day that toffee cake that the guests have left doesn't seem so appealing.
– Walk of Shame –
We’ve all experienced this back home but it’s even worse when you’re walking back to your apartment at 6am to get ready for work and trying not to get run over by piste bashers.
– X Games –
Sadly no more, but X Games really were the biggest X marked on the calendar. Seasonaires from many resorts flocked to Tignes in March for the X Games and also to have one hell of a piss up.
–You’re only doing one season -
What many a seasonaire has sworn to themselves. It never works out like that.
– ZZZZZ -
Because after constant drinking, working and riding sometimes beauty sleep is what the seasonaire needs. This also ended up as a close friend's season hoodie name after trying to pull a girl and passing out: 'Hello ladies, zzzzzz'.