The 9 Head Gear Style Rules. How not to be a Hat Twat
Slouch beanie, bobble beanie, beanie under your helmet? Don't want to look like Muttley or a Smurf? Then these are the hat wearing rules to followWant to get ahead in ski and snowboard style? Then wear the right hat, the right way...
Beanies come in a wide range of knit gauges - from fine and close knit to wide and chunky. Lighter gauge ones are currently being worn with brims down by celeb beanie ambassadors including Megan Markle and Prince Harry, whose knits are undoubtedly cashmere. When Dominic Cummings attempts to pull this uber cool head-hugging beanie look off that's exactly what you want to do, pull it off his head.
Slouch beanies and cute beanies with bobbles / pompoms (fur or otherwise) should just be worn by those who don't feel old dancing at Folie. Only extreme mountain quides have the ability to make a cute knitted bobble worn with harness and ice pick look gnar.
Even the gnarest mountain guides now usually wear a helmet / lid / brain bucket. But, for style sake, try it on before you buy. Some helmets can be too Dick Dastardly and Muttley or Darth Vader, the latter only acceptable if you're under 12. Also make sure your goggles fit snuggly underneath. No Twat Gap, which will then get sun burnt so you're branded with a tan line across your forehead.
Rip out your lid liner and ear pieces and wear your beanie AND goggles East Coast style UNDER your brain bucket (see Aimee Fuller, below). Keeps your head extra warm and avoids helmet hair at apres (just keep the beanie on). If you don't want to use your goggles then tip the helmet back to place them on the beanie. Is this is all news to you? Then you're too old grandpa!
Step away from the ethnic hat unless you were one of the Winter Olympic teams in Sochi. Or it's made by the Sherpa Adventure Gear (far right. below) - and minus ear flaps.
Always make sure your beanie fits snuggly to your head and doesn't rise up Smurf style. Even slouch beanies should droop at the back not on top of your head. You may have to keep checking it as some have a natural propensity to rise upwards during the day.
The older you are the harder it is to look good in beanies (see Rule 1 and Dominic Cummings). Their close fit seems to frame the wrinkles. Think Boris Johnson who, also, by the way tends to have beanie Smurf syndrome (below). Take a style note from Ski Sunday frontmen, Graham and Ed, who have taken to wearing goggles over their beanies when presenting to camera as an excellent way to avoid the Smurf effect as goggles keep your beanie nicely anchored.
The alternative to a beanie is a bandana, the wide variety having made the transition from Glossy snow tribe to Gnarly mountain guide (see Snow Tribes). Anyone in between needs to beware of looking like they teleported from the Eighties and Hot Tub Time Machine. NB. Check out Claire's Accessories bandanas, ironically as gnar-looking as any worn by rugged mountain guides, but you may want to replace the Claire's label with Patagonia.
Or you could wear a skater cap instead of a beanie but ONLY if you ride park and wear tight heshy ski pants, like Dylan Thompson, ambassador for Neff (below).
Smile! No we're not smiling for the action camera on top of your helmet, we're sniggering at YOU, knob head!.